Piano lessons, Violin lessons, beginning instrumental studies in school. They all start with the same thing. All students start out the same way...so do all families have the same battles about practice? Are parents signing up to be task masters when they enroll their kids in lessons or instrument classes? Task master is a harsher version of a boss, mentor, or guide. Structure, consistency and celebration turn a task master into a cheerleader.
Structure
"The failure to plan is a plan to fail." A well structured plan can make the hardest ideas doable. They break down the overwhelming goal or project into little bits that create accomplishable points on the journey to success. Spending the time before the first class or lesson to create a practice plan will increase the overall success of a music education experience.
Every practice plan will be different, but it should contain 4 main points:
A set time: The more specific you are on when it is going to happen, the more likely what is supposed to happen will happen. As you decide on what time works best for you child keep in mind their individual characteristics. Thinking that you child can get up a half hour earlier to practice when waking the dead in the mornings would be easier...is not going to work for very long. The overall idea of this plan is to make the process easier, not to make more jobs for adults.
A set place: Having a specific place to practice is very, very, very, very important. Making sure that location is set up well for practicing is very, very, very, very, very, very important. If your piano is in a location where there will be constant interruptions or distractions, it will be difficult for you child to concentrate. Creating an environment that allows for focus and failure will increase the potency of you investment into your child's music education.
A clear idea what to practice: While each teacher is different, laying out what is practiced first, second, third, etc. allows for a highly efficient practice. for most private lessons, teachers will give out a form or notebook that lists items to practice. For school situations, this form may or may not exist so coming up with something to use at home can be a fun creative process.
A time to track: Scheduling a time to sit down with your child. Check their practice time. Not in a disciplinary way, but in sincere curiosity. Ask them how they feel about their practice time - what went well, what was confusing or hard, what they would like to ask their teacher about? After that look at the actual time spent practicing - was it easy to do, what would make it easier, did they feel they spent enough time, did they divide their time among the assignments wisely? Make sure your child is answering your questions, in the beginning you will have to wait as they find their words to be able to communicate their feelings. (As this starts it may seem a little fruitless and maybe a bit painful - just like what your child may be experiencing from time to time - but this skill and interaction can translate to other situations later.)
Consistency
Once the plan is implemented, it is important to stick to it with positive passion. (Yes, if the plan is not working, than change the plan... the plan not the master but a tool to accomplish mastery.)
Will your child try and get out of practicing? Yes.
Will it be tempting to be "nice" and give them a day off?
Yes.
Will a "day off" have your child grateful? No.
Will a "day off" make life harder? Yes.
Does this mean your child is expected to practice every day forever?
No, unless they choose that path.
In my practice plan, I have a built in day off every week. (I do NOT feel guilty about this....it is part of my plan.) Vacations are vacations, friend time is friend time, family time is family time. Scheduled time off is scheduled time off. No guilt.
Quickly abandoning the practice plan before you really have time to try out how it will work will give you child another tool to control their loving parent. As cute as it is to hear a a 5-year old say "Mom, this practice time is just not working well in my schedule." (Yes, it has happened.) Hearing that everyday is a modified version of "Do I really have to practice?" When starting something new, implementing it into the 24 hours we call a day consistently helps that new thing become normal thing. Imagine this dialogue:
Student :"Do I really have to practice?"
Parent: "I have been so excited to hear your progression today." or
"I was curious to see if we make the same learning goofs, I made so many when I was learning new things." or
"What is your goal for the week?" or
"How many minutes are you away from triple digits?" or
"Oh, your teacher is going to be so excited to hear all your practicing at your lesson." or
"I was so looking forward to hearing you play something for me today at the end of your practice."
Turning practice into something that is desired instead of a chore is one way parents can help restructure the attitude of their student toward the task without lessening their accountability or responsibility. To many times practice becomes less about the student and more about the wear-down point of the parent. Finding a script that works for you to encourage your student while at the same time reminding them of their accountability in a gentle way, helps practice become more of a tool and less of a punishment.
It is important to know what is going on in your child's lessons or class. It is also important that if you have questions to ask the immediately teacher as your concern arises. Letting the concern grow is not going to allow a parent to see a teacher's efforts correctly. The teacher may not understand the gravity of the situation if it is an issue that has been building but they are unaware of it. What the teacher sees is commonly vastly different from what the parent sees at home. When teacher and parent have open communication, it is easier to be consistent with your student and to trust the teacher's plan for your student.
Celebration
Practice is a lot of work.....a lot of work. Most of the time, students are spending their time immersed in things that they cannot to well or easily. Finding ways to celebrate their progress, even little gains, is essential. Student recitals or other public performances provide a way to celebrate together but having smaller times for celebration in your home can really take the bite out of the pain of practice. Celebrations can be something structured as a family talent night to the spontaneous request for your student to play a few songs for you:
"to help brighten up the day."
"because I love to hear your songs."
"because I'm curious what your favorite songs to play are."
"because I want to spend more time listening to you play."
"to be my background music while I tidy the kitchen."
Celebrating difficulties and failures may seem impossible, but it is easier than it seems and can have long term effects. Encouraging your student to perform the "hard songs/exercises" for you allows a great shift in thinking. It makes hard things something to approach and master instead of something to fear or stay away from. One parent made it a point to leave a little note on the piano for their child. The message was always simple. "Thank-you for practicing." "I love hearing you play." "I wish I had been able to take piano when I was little." "Your songs make my heart happy." "Watching you tackle hard things, helps me do hard things too." Years later, those notes became a lifeline whenever that grown child had to tackle something hard. (No this was not me.)
How you choose to celebrate the work of your student doesn't need to be a big thing, usually it is the little things that make the biggest differences. I remember playing one song a lot....a lot, a lot. Why? Because my Mom said, one day in passing, that she really liked it. (She even whistled the tune when she was doing chores one day.) Whenever I hear that song, I think of her...and that thought usually leads to a phone call.
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